You might be tempted to avoid the messiness of daily living for the tranquility of stillness and peacefulness. This of course would be an attachment to stillness, and like any strong attachment, it leads to delusion. It arrests development and short-circuits the cultivation of wisdom.
-Jon Kabat-Zinn
Lovely one,
just as on the cool stone
of the spring, the water opens a wide flash of foam,
so is the smile of your face,
lovely one.
When you walk or rest,
when you sing or sleep,
when you suffer or dream,
always,
when you are near or far,
always,
you are mine, my lovely one, always.
– Pablo Neruda
All of our suffering in life is from saying we want one thing and doing another.
Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die,
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams.
For if dreams go,
Life is a barren field
Covered with snow.
– Langston Hughes
On breaking self-destructive patterns…
The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.
We all desire to live a happy life, mere survival does not satisfy us. And that’s where things get complicated and tricky! “What’s a happy life? Am I happy? Why I’m not happy? How do I live a happy life?” These are questions that most of us have reflected on at some point in our lives. It’s easy to get caught up with the expectation of living a happy life. I believe there’s no such thing as living life on a linear line of happiness without any disruptions or ups and downs. That’s just not real. Life is full of experiences and some of those experiences are simply not happy ones. Pain and pleasure are intertwined in real life. I think what’s most important and practical is that we strive to live a rich, authentic, and meaningful life with a deep sense of gratitude. Happiness will be a guaranteed byproduct of living such a life.
Indeed.
I saw this sign at Vapiano. It’s a cliche; because it’s so true. Yet, most of us take our health for granted until we somehow lose it. We all have had the experience of catching a cold in winter and feeling “miserable”. Even a simple headache takes away from our ability to engage fully in daily activities.
Of course, in addition to the physical health, there’s emotional health. Sometimes we pay more attention to our physical health than our emotional well-being. We try so hard to stay on a strict diet, eat organic food, detox, or eliminate chemical products from our daily life. But, as we are biting our organic farm-grown apple, our mind is overwhelmed with anxious, depressive, or negative thoughts.
It’s important to look at our health as a whole and take care of ourselves both emotionally and physically. And kudos to those of us who despite struggling with chronic physical or mental illness, strive to live a full life.
We all have been there; having a gut feeling about something and ignoring or justifying that feeling instead of trusting it.
Some of us struggle with trusting our own judgement and intuition. It’s usually because we have received direct or indirect messages from our caregivers that we are “wrong” about how we are feeling or what we are thinking. A simple example is when a child is upset over something and the parent says to the child “Why are you upset? You shouldn’t be upset.” In this exchange the child experiences an internal conflict between what he/she is experiencing or feeling and what the parent is saying. To resolve this conflict, the child might conclude that my parent knows better, so I must be wrong. If such invalidating experiences are repeated enough times, then the child internalizes the belief that ‘I cannot trust my judgement; my intuition is wrong.’ In addition, the lack of trust in one’s judgement leads to seeking external validation and assurance from others.
The good news is we can change that core belief. Gradually, we can begin to validate our feelings and develop more trust in our judgement- granted our thinking process is rational and based in reality.
I watched Her last weekend; such an interesting and original movie. I read some of the reviews and came across a few that were saying how stupid this movie is. I see their point in that we might go “Really?! who’s gonna have a relationship with a computer programmed female voice?”
Yes, the story is very unreal and yet the message is so very real: longing for connection, desiring to share our life experiences with a special someone, and seeking romantic love. These are our natural and normal desires. We are even biologically wired to seek this type of connection so that our species don’t go extinct!
However, this all said, the guy in the movie was longing for connection after a breakup. It seemed like he was consciously or unconsciously -but understandably- avoiding the pain and loneliness associated with his breakup. How many of us can identify with the painful heartbreak of ending a romantic relationship? The experience is very hurtful and forces us to face one of our most painful fears; the fear of loneliness.
The pain and fear of loneliness is one of our deepest and scariest feelings. The reason it’s so painful is that it’s usually associated with thoughts/ beliefs like “I’m not good enough, I’m not lovable, I’m not worthy of love and belonging, no one likes me, no one wants to be with me, I cannot survive being alone… .” Somehow, somewhere, we were directly or indirectly given such messages and we internalized them. So loneliness involves self-abandonment or self-dislike but we usually project that onto others believing that others don’t like us, whereas in reality, we are the ones not liking/accepting/approving of ourselves. Once these scary thoughts are faced and worked through, the fear of loneliness is not as scary and painful anymore.
Living Artfully: ‘Good Enough’ Living
Over the years and through my personal and professional experiences I have learned that there’s an art to living. As much as I’d love to take credit, I’m sure I’m not the first person who has come to this realization! But, I think there are few of us who make a conscious effort to live life fully and artfully. To many, living artfully means savoring small things that bring us joy and practicing gratitude for those small things everyday. Living artfully is focusing the lens on what we already have rather than what is missing. This doesn’t mean denying the reality or distracting ourselves from what’s missing. But simply to shift the focus on what we already have while working to fulfill other unmet needs or desires. And I firmly believe that the prerequisite for living artfully is having a clear awareness and acceptance of our emotional struggles, rather than denial, avoidance, or cheerleading.
