Multigenerational Transmission Process
“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”
– Carl Jung
Blog
Self Compassion
Welcoming Regrets
Generally speaking, we have some level of freedom to make choices in life. However, making choices limits us in some ways; we can’t be at two places at the same time. As a result, having regrets about choices or decisions are an inevitable part of life- yet another reminder that life is not perfect! Depending on the nature of decisions or choices and their respective consequences, regrets often bring about grief- a sense of loss and thoughts of “I wish… .” It’s important to give ourselves permission to grieve and feel the sadness brought about by regrets. We can use this grieving time to reflect on our choices, understand our motives/purposes at the time, and finally to see if there’s a lesson to be learned. Having regrets, even though emotionally painful at times, could be a sign of growth or an indicator that we have a different life situation. Regrets could imply that we have grown in some way or that we think differently now than we did previously. However, it’s easy to fall in the self-blame trap when dealing with regrets. Practicing compassion and kindness toward ourselves helps us move on from regrets easier.
This beautiful poem touches on the intricate interplay of freedom, making choices, limitations, and regrets (“I shall be saying this with a sigh”).
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim.
I shall be saying this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two road diverged in a wood and I-
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.
– Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken
On Embracing Uncertainty
“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.”
-Rainer Maria Rilke
This quote is about having the willingness to remain in uncertainty. I had heard this quote before but it didn’t click until recently when I read it again in a book. Tolerating uncertainty is very challenging. Uncertainty is associated with lack of control and that can be very anxiety provoking. There is an overwhelming level of discomfort that is experienced with not knowing or not having answers, and we instinctively prefer to avoid that discomfort.
My understanding is that tolerating uncertainty is not about doing something to resolve it or to remove the discomfort that comes with it. Tolerating uncertainty is about leaning into the discomfort of not knowing, not having answers and explanations, or not being in control, and accepting that. To remain in uncertainty is to be present with anxiety and observe the feelings and thoughts associated with it non-judgementally. This is the essence of mindfulness practice. I think letting go of having control, fixing, or finding answers is a challenging task and takes conscious effort and practice.
Nourishing Our Inner Child
-The Golden Lion Tamarins, aren’t they cute?
I spent a fun day at the zoo last weekend. It was fun walking around the zoo, seeing the vast diversity of the animals. So many different creatures in different sizes, shapes, and colors. Some were so cute and some were scary. One thing that struck me was the unity amongst them all. They all were living beings striving to live their lives; from the giant elephant to the tiny leaf-cutter ants.
It’s very important to nourish our Inner Child and do playful activities that we once did as children, like going to the zoo. The term Inner Child simply refers to our sense of spontaneity, liveliness, playfulness, and creativity. So in that sense, we all have an Inner Child. But some of us are disconnected from that part of our Self for various reasons; for example, not having had the opportunity to be playful as children because we were expected to “behave” at all times and act like a grown up, or maybe because at some level we have numbed ourselves to emotional pain and in doing so we live a dull life, or we are concerned about being judged by others if we are playful.
One easy step in helping us to reconnect with our Inner Child is to incorporate time for play in our “super busy” schedules. Play gives us an opportunity to be spontaneous, energetic, and lively. Ultimately, reconnecting with our Inner Child helps us live a more joyful life- and isn’t that what we all want?
Love and Vulnerability
We are never so vulnerable as when we love.
Sigmund Freud
The Good Life Is a Process
I deeply appreciate this quote from Carl Rogers, one of the founders of Humanistic Psychology.
“I have gradually come to one negative conclusion about the good life. It seems to me that the good life is not any fixed state. It is not, in my estimation, a state of virtue, or contentment, or nirvana, or happiness. It is not a condition in which the individual is adjusted or fulfilled or actualized. The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.” — Carl Rogers, from On Becoming a Person
Letting Go
We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
E.M Forster
Drawing Closer
For, as I draw closer and closer to the end, I travel in the circle, nearer and nearer to the beginning. It seems to be one of the kind smoothings and preparings of the way. My heart is touched now, by many remembrances that had long fallen asleep.
From A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Inner Freedom
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms- to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
Victor Frankl from Man’s Search For Meaning