Category: <span>Uncategorized</span>

Indeed.

I saw this sign at Vapiano. It’s a cliche; because it’s so true. Yet, most of us take our health for granted until we somehow lose it. We all have had the experience of catching a cold in winter and feeling “miserable”. Even a simple headache takes away from our ability to engage fully in daily activities.

Of course, in addition to the physical health, there’s emotional health. Sometimes we pay more attention to our physical health than our emotional well-being. We try so hard to stay on a strict diet, eat organic food, detox, or eliminate chemical products from our daily life. But, as we are biting our organic farm-grown apple, our mind is overwhelmed with anxious, depressive, or negative thoughts.

It’s important to look at our health as a whole and take care of ourselves both emotionally and physically. And kudos to those of us who despite struggling with chronic physical or mental illness, strive to live a full life.

We all have been there; having a gut feeling about something and ignoring or justifying that feeling instead of trusting it.

Some of us struggle with trusting our own judgement and intuition. It’s usually because we have received direct or indirect messages from our caregivers that we are “wrong” about how we are feeling or what we are thinking. A simple example is when a child is upset over something and the parent says to the child “Why are you upset? You shouldn’t be upset.” In this exchange the child experiences an internal conflict between what he/she is experiencing or feeling and what the parent is saying. To resolve this conflict, the child might conclude that my parent knows better, so I must be wrong. If such invalidating experiences are repeated enough times, then the child internalizes the belief that ‘I cannot trust my judgement; my intuition is wrong.’ In addition, the lack of trust in one’s judgement leads to seeking external validation and assurance from others.

The good news is we can change that core belief. Gradually, we can begin to validate our feelings and develop more trust in our judgement- granted our thinking process is rational and based in reality.

I watched Her last weekend; such an interesting and original movie. I read some of the reviews and came across a few that were saying how stupid this movie is. I see their point in that we might go “Really?! who’s gonna have a relationship with a computer programmed female voice?”

Yes, the story is very unreal and yet the message is so very real: longing for connection, desiring to share our life experiences with a special someone, and seeking romantic love. These are our natural and normal desires. We are even biologically wired to seek this type of connection so that our species don’t go extinct!

However, this all said, the guy in the movie was longing for connection  after a breakup. It seemed like he was consciously or unconsciously -but understandably- avoiding the pain and loneliness associated with his breakup.  How many of us can identify with the painful heartbreak of ending a romantic relationship? The experience is very hurtful and forces us to face one of our most painful fears; the fear of loneliness.

The pain and fear of loneliness is one of our deepest and scariest feelings. The reason it’s so painful is that it’s usually associated with thoughts/ beliefs like “I’m not good enough, I’m not lovable, I’m not worthy of love and belonging, no one likes me, no one wants to be with me, I cannot survive being alone… .”  Somehow, somewhere, we were directly or indirectly given such messages and we internalized them. So loneliness involves self-abandonment or self-dislike but we usually project that onto others believing that others don’t like us, whereas in reality, we are the ones not liking/accepting/approving of ourselves. Once these scary thoughts are faced and worked through, the fear of loneliness is not as scary and painful anymore.