Welcoming Regrets
Generally speaking, we have some level of freedom to make choices in life. However, making choices limits us in some ways; we can’t be at two places at the same time. As a result, having regrets about choices or decisions are an inevitable part of life- yet another reminder that life is not perfect! Depending on the nature of decisions or choices and their respective consequences, regrets often bring about grief- a sense of loss and thoughts of “I wish… .” It’s important to give ourselves permission to grieve and feel the sadness brought about by regrets. We can use this grieving time to reflect on our choices, understand our motives/purposes at the time, and finally to see if there’s a lesson to be learned. Having regrets, even though emotionally painful at times, could be a sign of growth or an indicator that we have a different life situation. Regrets could imply that we have grown in some way or that we think differently now than we did previously. However, it’s easy to fall in the self-blame trap when dealing with regrets. Practicing compassion and kindness toward ourselves helps us move on from regrets easier.
This beautiful poem touches on the intricate interplay of freedom, making choices, limitations, and regrets (“I shall be saying this with a sigh”).
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim.
I shall be saying this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two road diverged in a wood and I-
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.
– Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken